It’s been a few months since our girl took her own life. I still find it incredibly difficult to get my head around the fact that she is gone. Every now and then, she pops in to my head and it fills me with immense sadness.
I really struggled after losing her. It affected me really badly and actually still continues to do so. My mental health has been in a shocking state ever since and, at the moment, it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. How can it possibly be fair for me to keep on living when she couldn’t? Of course, I have to remind myself that she would want everyone to continue on going… but still, it doesn’t somehow seem right. She was a lot kinder, funnier and prettier than me. She surely brought a lot more light to everyone’s lives than I do. Why her and not me?
I’m doing a lot better than I was just after it happened but I am still clearly not in a good way. People may think, “But you weren’t actually that close to her – how can you be that affected?” Honestly, I struggle with that one a lot. I feel guilty for being affected that much when I wasn’t one of her closest friends. I guess that grief isn’t logical. I feel immense grief and pain for so many reasons and it’s gone on to make it a really rather difficult time for me.
It’s not all bad, though – at least I’m now slowly starting to realise that life is too short. If you want to go out there and do something? Do it! Don’t wait around because you might regret it.
I don’t really know how to express myself properly right now as I’m in a bit of a slump but I feel like I need to put something out there.
Our girl will never be forgotten.