Having an Anxiety Attack

I just don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel like everything I do turns to shit. I feel like I end up ruining people’s happiness by acting like a jerk. My anxiety overwhelms me so much sometimes and I feel like I am going mad. I feel like a basket case. People see me as “that depressed girl”. I want to be so much more than that. I feel like everything is just spiralling out of control. I don’t have very many friends anymore and the ones I do have, I am so desperate to be liked by them that I end up pissing them off. I have too much to drink and act like a fool. I get lonely so I message people but they’re trying to get on with their own lives and I really need to leave them alone and stop being so desperate. No wonder they don’t reply straight away. I am far too full on and desperate.

I can’t continue living like this. I try so hard not to give in to anxiety but here it is, with its ever-engulfing tentacles wrapping ever tighter around my mind. I just want to be normal. When people read this they will realise how mad I am, but I can’t hold this in any longer. 

I will be alright one day. I just… I just don’t know how to get there. I feel like I need to move far away, but then I really will be lonely. I feel like I need to be around my friends but I don’t want to burden them. My best mate is moving to the other side of the world soon. She has the right idea. I’m so happy for her but will be totally devastated when she is gone. Is there any reason for me to stay in Brighton? I can’t see the point.

Mrs Helfy

xxx

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3 thoughts on “Having an Anxiety Attack

  1. Hey hun, just read all that and hearing your pain. I can really feel for you as I’ve felt all this pain and more. (((Hugs))) for a start are needed.
    The runaway thought I get too, only the person or place to run too doesn’t exist as it’s yourself you are running from, what you are needing is to give yourself some tlc because others in your life can’t fill that hole in your heart.
    It sounds to me like the stresses of everyday life are wearing you thin, but only you can make the time for you, and give yourself permission to make some changes.

    You are in need of some help clearly and I will help as much as possible, having anxiety, depression, the odd panic attack and living with Chronic Fatigue syndrome has been a learning curve, many yrs in councilling, self help books, alternative therapies, CBT, Schema therapy and last but not least listening to Eckhart Tolle TV on YouTube have helped, so even though my life is still very odd and isolating my head deals with it in a much healthier way . PM me your number on Messanger if you want to talk OK.
    Much love Elaine (Kirsti’s Mom) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s not really that you’re coming on too strong or too desperate, I think sometimes we all forget that there are moments throughout the day where people don’t actually have their phones glued to their hands, but because of your own anxieties, you’re assuming it’s you when it’s not.

    Liked by 1 person

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